I thought some of you folks were smarter than this, but it’s become apparent to me you’re not. Not even close. You’re just as bad as they are. (this ain’t dissing on you, Bill, per se. I’ll get to that later …Yankee? Red Sox? Llamas wanna shop? …that is so far out…figure that out, skippy…).

Back to the matter at hand. (Straighten the whole tie thing going on…now sit down you gremlins!)

From Trent Lott to Howell Raines; Dan Rather and now Eason Jordan (don’t even mention that guppy “Gannon”–he’s the penultimate example of why the term “barking moonbat” is such a dead-on description of the clueless collective called “Kossaks,” and the bottom feeders camped out in the crack house that is Eschaton, and in the DU’s bowels. Their ultimate implosion, that, if not snipped pretty fucking quick, damns them to perennial irrelevence, as hinted is hinted at here. Don’t believe? wheel here).

The power that “amateurs” now wield deciding what belongs in the public square–and what butt gets railed out–overturns the notion that such ability is the province of the “old media” gatekeepers, and once considered “powerful” public figures can now be laid low by a bunch of Average Shmoes.

The gatekeepers are scared witless because of this, because it could be one of Them next. Prof. Bainbridge sees it for what it is. But some of you folks don’t recognize the counterplay going on in the game.

So what’s happening now, that these gatekeepers suddenly find their walls crumbling around them? They are co-opting you Ecosystem/Technorati condemned doyennes of the “new media” that are considered “safe,” pulling you to their bosoms, beseeching you énfant terriblés to explain yourselves, your motivations, this whole “blogosphere” thing… “and tell me, slut, is your sphincter really as stretched as Joan Rivers’ skin? Because it certainly seems everbody’s hitting it!”

They are trying to use you as mortar to shore up their walls.

And they have that ultimate American aphrodisiac to make you play along: celebrity (and its sidekick, money). They ask you to come on their shows. Everyone is signaled to set their TiVos. They do a little fawning, say they’ve read your blog and enjoyed it. Treat you like you’re–I won’t go as far as “an equal”–maybe more like a Triple-A prospect brought up to The Show for a tryout. And you starfucked schmucks suck it up. You’re skirting dangerously close to ending up like these folks.

Hewitt, or Sully the Bandwidth Beggar, or even that numbnut over at BuzzfuckinWeen, they don’t bother me, because they were neck deep in the media game before the word blog ever hit their ears. And as far as Glenn…well, Glenn is just goddamn evil, so he, too, gets a LeatherPenguin pass.

It’s every time I see someone like one of those Powerline guys smiling at me from my TV that I’m ready to go Elvis on the screen. Anytime I see something like I saw last night on Newshour, where Geraghty shared talking head duties with Jay Rosen and that poncer David Gergen, and never said, “Rosen, don’t shovel this “possibly off the record” crap. How can something be considered “off the record” when they invited a panel, an audience, and needed Gergen’s duplicitous hoary ass to moderate it, with a camera recording it? Stop riffing that spin. You’re supposed to be smarter than that. Leave the hairsplitting bullshitting to Gergen.”

It tells me you fools are trying to play by their rules. I want their rules nuked to the moon.

Don’t think for a moment you can educate them to “the new way.” They’ll turn on you in a heartbeat. There’s no fixing them; there’s only becoming them. They gotta be burned to the ground and rebuilt if you want to make something better. They need to hear that finishing shout. It’s gotta ring in their goddamn ears.

(originally posted 2/15/05)